Spreading Positive Gossip: The Power of Third-Party Praise
When you quote someone else’s positive feedback, you send a message that people in your organization see their colleague’s good work and appreciate it. There is no better feeling to know that you are the subject of praise.
In December, I wrote a blog with tips on endorsing your people for maximum employee engagement. When I mentioned that managers need to balance a 3:1 or 4:1 ratio of specific, positive feedback to constructive/critical feedback, I’ve received slightly panicked comments like, What if there’s not enough positive stuff to say about a person? What if I have nothing good to say?
My immediate response to that is, “Are you sure they’re in the right role?”
I strongly believe that everyone suffers when someone’s in the wrong job, especially the person in that job.
My next response is this: crowd source.
If you don’t have anything good to say, quote someone else.
Third-party praise is a powerful tool for making people feel energized, engaged and appreciated. Many years ago, when I was a new Ariel Group facilitator, I attended a picnic thrown by one of the founders of the company. When we introduced ourselves to each other, she smiled widely and said, “I’ve been hearing such wonderful things about your classroom work!” I was so touched and pleased, and that one comment got me through many more months of airport delays and dim hotel ballrooms.
When you quote someone else’s positive feedback, you send a message that people in your organization see their colleague’s good work and appreciate it. There is no better feeling to know that you are the subject of praise.
Which is why it’s so important to share it.
Here’s why: we tend to be more effusive when we are praising someone to someone else. I’ve been working on a theory that giving people direct feedback (both positive and negative) is an intimate act, so when we do it we tend to make less eye contact, our vocal tones flatten, and we use more neutral language.
When we share praise about someone else, we are more likely to gush. We use terms like “excellent presenter,” “a real asset to this organization,” “I don’t know what we’d do without her on our team,” etc.
If you’re the recipient of this “positive gossip,” don’t let it die there. It’s like you have a really juicy secret to share: “Guess what so-and-so said about you!” Just this morning on a call with my CEO, he praised a colleague’s work at a high-profile conference they just attended. I ran to my laptop and emailed her, quoting him directly.
Lest you think I’m some kind of Polyanna, I tend to lean towards an anxious pessimism — a direct effect of my Irish Catholic upbringing. But I know how rare endorsement can be in the workplace and what a dramatic effect it can have on employee engagement, so I make it my business to practice it.
So, go ahead! Share some third-party praise today. Quote the “praiser” directly. Create some of your own third-party praise that can be shared with others. And for bonus points, practice giving authentic, specific praise directly to your colleagues.
The more you do it, the more naturally it will come, and you’ll be one step closer to the connected, engaged organization we all want to be a part of.
